It seems so silly to me sometimes that while most other adults are heading to work every day and getting, you know, a paycheck, I’ve chosen to go back to school. I’m so much older than all the other students, they make comments in class and I think Seriously? You seriously think that?
For the next three years, my life will be divided into Fall, Winter, Spring semesters, into exams and assignments and term papers. In a way, it seems ridiculous for a 28 year old mother of two to be worrying about exams.
I think that’s just what I put on myself, though, because I absolutely love learning. More than anything else.
Since I’ve been back at school, I feel like my brain has come alive again. No job I’ve ever held has challenged me mentally (which I think is why no job I’ve had has stuck), but this does.
One of my classes is called Quantitative Methods. It’s essentially math, we build equations and apply them to situations figuring out the payback time of a loan or how to maximize profit. The first day of class, as the prof started writing all those numbers and symbols on the board, I got cold and sweaty. Because, you see, I’m afraid of math. I could never master it in high school, so I didn’t try, and in the past ten years I have had the same dream over and over again: sitting at a desk with a math exam in front of me, no sweet clue of what to do.
The first week was bad. At one point, I was at my kitchen table with Steve trying to understand my assignment and I was crying, and oh God it was just like before and I couldn’t do it and I feel sick and I’m just going to drop the class… except then I understood. I understood! And it only took a week! And after that, the next subject just expanded on the first and the third expanded on the second and not only do I get it but I like it and I’d like to mention, I’m getting an A in the class.
For the first time in my life, I really feel like I could do anything. Oh sure, this math isn’t rocket science, but it is something I never ever thought I’d be able to do. So if I can surmount one of my biggest obstacles and biggest fears, there’s no telling what else I can do!