Moments That Could Have Been

Everything is snow covered here and the sun was shining brightly this morning. Low in the sky and blinding, really; the brightness intensified by its reflection on the snow.

I dropped the girls off at daycare and then came back home to study for an exam I wrote tonight. As I drove through the neighbourhood, a stop sign snuck up on me. I noticed it too late, so drive through it. There was a teenaged girl waiting for the bus that I didn’t even see until she was beside the passenger window.

When I got home I thought, What if someone had been crossing the road and I hadn’t seen them because of the sun? What if that girl had slipped on the ice?

Moments that define and change our life can happen in a split second. If that girl had slipped as I rolled through the stop sign, if there was someone else walking across the road that I didn’t see because of the low sun who assumed I’d stop…

My mom has some cysts on her uterus. She’s headed to the obgyn Monday. They’ve been there for a while, but have been growing quickly these past few months. I thought nothing more about it, other than, she’ll be fine, for quite a few days until one dark night as I lay awake while Steve slept and I wondered, What if she isn’t?

As in all of us  (I think), there is a dark side to me. Sometimes I plan in my head what I would say at a family member’s funeral. Sometimes I imagine what my life would be like if Steve were no longer here, somedays when he leaves for work I think, I may never see you again. But as I lay in bed that night, all I could think was, Please, no. Please not yet. Please, please, please.

And though I was taught as a child that good Christians never ask God for selfish things, I can’t help but pray that Monday does not bring a moment that changes my life forever.

2 Comments on “Moments That Could Have Been

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