I didn’t mean for six days to go by without an update, but last week ended up being completely occupied by a difficult assignment and then a last minute decision to take the girls to my in-law’s for the weekend while Steve stayed home due to work.
My sister-in-law is currently working for an NGO in the Sudan and had to come home due to an illness. She’ll be fine, but was advised to go home and get Canadian medical care and some rest.
The girls and I left early Friday morning and came home Sunday. The weekend was full of shrieks of glee, laughter, noise, tears, over-stimulation and fatigue. When we got home at one on Sunday, Steve fed the girls lunch and they went down for a nap, at which point I basically fell face first into bed for two hours.
I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my period, specifically the week before my period. It’s like… uhmm… I would say….. heerrrrrmmmmm….. Well, basically I’m a raging ball of emotion ready to lash out at the slightest infraction. I mean, really, it’s bad. The slightest change of events sends me into a fit of despair, I feel incapable of completing even the slightest task (say…. getting the girls ready for daycare), I cry at the drop of a hat, any comment feels like criticism and when Steve (wisely) keeps to himself, I’m convinced that I have become unworthy of his love.
The following week (this week) my period starts and while the emotional instability is gone, it is replaced by a week-long headache. At worst, a raging migraine, at best, a dull ache that is kept at bay by regular doses (and I mean around the clock) of Advil or Tylenol or whatever the hell I can get my hands on.
I’d rather a constant migraine than ever feel like I did last week, ever again.
It’s not me.
I love my life, husband, children and school. I love running. I love the cold, the warmth, the sun and rain and snow and fog… but the week before my period life is lived in a horribly dark place. I feel… depressed, trapped, anxious, afraid, hateful, unlovable.
The doctor told me it might be the pill I’m on, so I dropped off my new prescription today. He said it can take up to three months to see a change. I hope it’s something as simple as a prescription switch.
This is not fair to Steve, it’s not fair to the kids. It’s not fair to me.
Something’s got to change.