Oh, it’s been a long week.
Yesterday was the worst.
Crying, sick, constipated kids. Visits to the doctor, vomiting at the grocery store (again). At one point, I sat in the car and cried because, oh.
Give me strength, please just give me strength. I said over and over. Logically, I knew it was the worst day, I knew that tomorrow would be better, but part of me actually doubted that I would be able to make it through to 7pm.
But bedtime did come, and by some miracle, just when I questioned my ability to keep going, both kids slept through the night. And just when I really thought all I’d be able to do today was scream and/or cry if it was like yesterday, the girls woke up happy and immediately played quietly with Leila’s abacus.
Have you ever seen Evan Almighty? In it, God (Morgan Freeman) tells one of the characters that when you pray for strength, God doesn’t give you strength, but instead gives you a situation where you can learn to be strong.
I remind myself of that, often. We have to find the strength within ourselves. The sun doesn’t always come out tomorrow, sometimes there are days and days and weeks that are dark. But it does, it will, eventually.
And even on this rainy day, even though yesterday’s stress was small and trivial on the grand scale, I get to go for a long (14k) run, and I get to hug my children and I’ll take a moment and lift my face to the sky and feel the raindrops fall and whisper, Thank-you, to whoever’s listening. Because I faltered and stumbled and skinned my knees, but I found the strength.
I made it through.