I’m sitting here, surrounded by paper and eraser shavings and trying to find the exact place on this report that I should put “insurance expense” and can’t seem to remember why exactly I need both insurance expense and prepaid insurance and wait, one is cash and what side of the report do the liabilities go on again and well, it’s just about as fun as it sounds.
The thing I’m finding with this class is that even if I only work for 20 minutes (which actually goes by fast because I plug along extremely slowly) by the time I look up and over my erased-and-written-over columns, my head is spinning.
I’m about 99% positive that this information will not be very relevant to any future job I may have, but tell myself that I am becoming a valuable asset with this information. I just try not to wonder too loudly why exactly at (almost) 29 years old I’m taking a class that feels this irrelevant to me.
I don’t mean to imply that it’s boring (to my great surprise, I kind of like it) or that I feel lost here. It’s an “elective” in the Certificate of Human Resources that I’m taking (did I mention I left the BComm for this? Hmm, maybe not), and I really do believe that it will make me a better rounded employee for my future company.
Sometimes all the different aspects of my life feel very disconnected. The me who is a homemaker, making meals and mopping floors and rocking fevered babies in the wee hours of the morning or playing dollies at four in the afternoon feels light years away from the me who scribbles away at accounting homework in the campus library beside what seem to be very young girls, and then there’s the me who sits broodingly at the computer trying to make the over-analyzing of life sound somewhat pretty. Don’t forget the me who practically salivates as I listen to the world news each morning, enthralled and appalled by what I hear. And of course, there is the runner. It seems to me, at times, that these things clash against each other in contrast. Very few of the people in my life transcend more than one of these aspects of myself.
Maybe that’s what I like – maybe it’s the randomness. Sometimes when I’m at school I think of my family life at home and get warm in my heart and smile and know that there are people waiting for me to get home. People for whom I am responsible. I like that. But sometimes when I’m at home with the kids and the day is particularly long and the clock seems to take an hour to change by one minute, I think of the running clinic that I coach and am happy that I exist beyond “mother”.
I don’t have a running friend, and while I most often enjoy running alone, it would be nice to train with someone. I have mommy friends, but sometimes I run out of things to say. I don’t have any school friends, and sometimes that makes the days on campus feel long and lonely, to go for hours at a time not actually saying one single word out loud. There are people I consider friends that I don’t actually “know”, the people I’ve met here and elsewhere on the internet. And while it often feels that these are the people with whom I’m the most honest, it’s odd to say that I wouldn’t even recognize their voice if they phoned.
We live in an isolating time, what with our virtual lives and busy schedules.
Bah, I should can it with the overly introspective thoughts this week, I’m very prone to being dramatic on nights when Steve is at work and my hormones are all out of whack.