I’ve mentioned before that I don’t deal well with stress. One of the key players in this (I believe) is that the way I’m feeling at a particular moment seems to me the way I’ll be feeling forever.
My class is over now, but the past six weeks have been intense. We had house guests two weeks ago and the house never really recovered, to be honest. Last week my mom told me that on Wednesday she’s going to come up and help me clean the baseboards, behind the toilets, inside the screens, really deep cleaning (believe me the house needs it – I keep things tidy and clean most of the time, but never make time for baseboards) (and obviously, she spoils me). I panicked and told her I wasn’t ready. There would be no way that I could de-cutter, dust, vacuum, mop, scour toilets and tubs and kitchen sinks before she came. I was tired and had too much going on. I told her no. She told me too bad, make sure the house is ready for me.
This morning, I woke up feeling light and happy and I sipped my tea while the girls giggled and played and the world felt like a good, happy place. So upstairs we went and I put away clothes and folded laundry and threw out garbage (real garbage! In my room! Not even in the garbage bin, but like, on the floor! Ugh.) and ran the vacuum and dusted and before ten, the bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs were clean again.
It wasn’t the task of cleaning, I know that cleaning doesn’t take very long, even when there’s more that light dusting that needs to be done. It was the fact that piled on top of everything else last week, it seemed like too much to bear.
That’s my problem, I can’t see past what’s in front of my face. That sort of thinking transcends all aspects of my life. Feeling high? Life is ALWAYS going to be great! Feeling tired? Nothing ever goes right! Feeling frumpy? Don’t EVEN wiggle those eyebrows at me, honey. I think that a lot of weaknesses in my personality come back to this.
I need to focus on changing my thought pattern. It’s more than recognizing the problem afterwards, it’s the task of realizing I’m doing it at that moment.