Steve got a referral from our GP for a vascetomy. We’ve been nervously discussing it ever since.
Him, because he’s afraid of the thought of any sharp utensil around his balls. Me because, well, you know…
Let’s just start this by saying I don’t want another child. Well, not really. I just, I don’t know if I’m ready for the 100% certianty of not having another child, you know?
It’s final. And I’m not sure I’m ready for final. I mean what if something horrible happened? What if we… lost a child? Not that I think another could replace them, but you know? Could I be childless after knowing this kind of love? I don’t really think so. And so in the same breath that we spoke of vascetomies, we talked about the logistics of a sperm bank. And it all sounded backwards and ironic to me (in that Alanis kind-of way).
So what to do? What would another child bring? Chaos and a changing of the balance of our lives. In a very selfish scope it would bring physical changes that I’m not quite willing to go through again. It would disrupt my “plan” (although Lord knows, it’s been disrupted before and has become fairly fluid). Steve’s convinced we’re going to have an accidental pregnancy if we continue using the pill as birth control. I’m not, but for heaven’s sake, if I got pregnant on the pill (I’ll say for the record I take it properly not, oh, they way I took it when I got pregnant with Leila. Which was not really at all.), then how much more “meant to be” could it be?
I mentioned an IUD last night, which we had talked about a couple years ago, but ruled out. I’m not 100% convinced that Steve is truly ready to go through with this, and so maybe an IUD would offer a nice (reliable) buffer between now and a couple years from now, when maybe we’ll both feel truly ready.
What about you guys? Tell me about your experiences with accidental pregnancies, IUD’s and vascetomies. And how in the world you knew for sure that you didn’t want any more children.