(Not So) Ready?

Steve got a referral from our GP for a vascetomy. We’ve been nervously discussing it ever since.

Him, because he’s afraid of the thought of any sharp utensil around his balls. Me because, well, you know…

Let’s just start this by saying I don’t want another child. Well, not really. I just, I don’t know if I’m ready for the 100% certianty of not having another child, you know?

It’s final. And I’m not sure I’m ready for final. I mean what if something horrible happened? What if we… lost a child? Not that I think another could replace them, but you know? Could I be childless after knowing this kind of love? I don’t really think so. And so in the same breath that we spoke of vascetomies, we talked about the logistics of a sperm bank. And it all sounded backwards and ironic to me (in that Alanis kind-of way).

So what to do? What would another child bring? Chaos and a changing of the balance of our lives. In a very selfish scope it would bring physical changes that I’m not quite willing to go through again. It would disrupt my “plan” (although Lord knows, it’s been disrupted before and has become fairly fluid). Steve’s convinced we’re going to have an accidental pregnancy if we continue using the pill as birth control. I’m not, but for heaven’s sake, if I got pregnant on the pill (I’ll say for the record I take it properly not, oh, they way I took it when I got pregnant with Leila. Which was not really at all.), then how much more “meant to be” could it be?

I mentioned an IUD last night, which we had talked about a couple years ago, but ruled out. I’m not 100% convinced that Steve is truly ready to go through with this, and so maybe an IUD would offer a nice (reliable) buffer between now and a couple years from now, when maybe we’ll both feel truly ready.

What about you guys? Tell me about your experiences with accidental pregnancies, IUD’s and vascetomies. And how in the world you knew for sure that you didn’t want any more children.

5 Comments on “(Not So) Ready?

  1. No experience with any of the three, but I’ve heard other people say they just knew – with each kid they added to the family they knew they wanted more, or they knew they didn’t.

    Thankfully we are not discussing the V word. Yet. We have one child, and we both know we want more than one, but the question is how many more: he says one, I say …. maybe two? I don’t know why, but I just always pictured three kids.

  2. You know our story…2 accidents…tried every kind of BC there is including the IUD. HATED the IUD and had it removed 2 months later. As for knowing when you’re ready…I don’t think you’ll ever be ready…no one is. I had the exact same feelings you did…especially the one about “what if something terrible happens”…the answer for us was this…2 prefect pregnancies / 2 healthy and happy kids / had the mix we wanted (older boy younger girl)…I could wait my entire life waiting for (hoping it never will) something terrible to happen but I don’t want to worry about what-if…I want to be thankful for what I have and worry about what may com when it actually comes.

    That’s how we made our choice. And I don’t regret it for a second. God forbid something terrible happens, we’ll have to deal with that when it comes (but hopefully it never ever does).

  3. I have the Mirena, one child (and no planned additions), and I love it. No periods to speak of (maybe a little spotting every two or three months) and no worry. I’m three years into it and have two more before I have to worry about it again!

  4. I’m not sure we’re done. In fact, I’d say we’re probably not. But maybe that will change. Even if I thought we were, I doubt I’d go for the big V at this age. What if, for example, something happened to me and D wanted to remarry and she wanted another child? Just feels too young.

    I had an IUD in between the kids and loved it. Had another inserted recently. We did the copper IUD and I had no side-effects whatsoever. Just worry-free, low-maintenance birth control. I’ve also heard good things about the Mirena, but I was paranoid about hormones while nursing Little Man. I’m less worried about that now, but decided to stick with what I know. One piece of advice is to get it inserted by an OB who does it frequently. Mine didn’t hurt – just a twinge. But I’ve heard it can be painful.

  5. I think that you have two beautiful little girls, and I am so happy to have had a glimpse at your amazing family over the past year. And I have to admit that I find it so interesting that we are pretty much the same age and you are trying to figure out how many children are enough for you, while I’m still hoping that after I decide I’m ready, I will someday be able to ask myself the same questions. Although I’m not really sure what the answers are for either of us?

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