30 Days of Truth: Day Four

Something you have to forgive someone for.

Holding grudges is silly, isn’t it? I mean, really. My life has been so very blessed. I grew up in a wonderful, happy, healthy, supportive home. My parents and brothers and myself all get along, we all love each other and hug each other and know that our blessings lie within the value of our family. I have never had to worry about money, my parents have supported me in every single thing I have ever decided to do (including, I’d like to add, have a child out of wedlock with a man I had only been dating for little over a year). I have been beyond blessed in my life to find Steve, a man who truly understands me, has seen me at my weakest, most ugly, most petty, most jealous… My heart continuously walks outside of my body, in the shape of two little girls who are the embodied definition of beauty, purity, innocence and love. I have no right to hold a grudge over anyone.

But here we go.

My aunt died ten years ago. She was married to a man whose family didn’t overly… get along with her. My mother took care of her on her deathbed. She helped her sister die and promised to look after her children once she was gone. The night my aunt died, her husband converted her to a Catholic while she was unconscious. I think he did this so that she would be able to be buried beside him (or rather, he beside her) in the Catholic graveyard. I suppose that’s neither here nor there, nor any of my business (because what does it really matter in the end?).

My mom was hurt by this, or by her sister’s death, I supposed. After that, everything seemed to hurt. After she died, mom’s friend called to tell her (why, I’m not exactly sure), what my aunt’s in-laws were saying. They were saying that Mom hadn’t done anything to take care of her sister. That she had let her die alone, had offered no help to my uncle.

There’s more, but I feel that maybe I’ve already said too much.

I know these people. They are viscous and mean and judgmental.  Their eyes are hard with anger, their faces lined with hate. And they mask it, they fucking mask it all with Catholicism.

I haven’t forgiven them for hurting my mother that way. I don’t know that I ever will.

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