I haven’t been writing here on purpose. Because I have nothing to say. And because I could say everything.
The fact of the matter is, I haven’t been feeling quite myself as of late. And I’m not sure whether to indulge myself or ignore it. I’m not sure what’s causing this two-month-long case of the blues, or perhaps I’m exactly sure what’s causing it, but not willing to talk about it.
Maybe it’s Life, you know? Just infiltrating everything with exhaustion and then that affects my relationship with Steve, with the kids, with my mom, with my school-work. Or maybe it’s me, and this… whatever… is filtering through to the rest of my life, causing little quakes along the way.
Or maybe I’m mellow-dramatic and tired and self-indulgent. Maybe I’m strong and can get through this, but maybe I’m weak because there’s not really a “This” and I should buck up and get over the fact that I’m tired already, hello, everyone is tired.
But anyway, this is kind of a long and drawn out way of saying that I’m taking a hiatus. Until I feel better or until something gives or until… I don’t know, until I need to emotionally vomit somewhere.
I need to write about things, about how I feel, in order to digest and understand myself, I’ve always been that way. But lately this all feels too vulnerable and open and I don’t know… just not “right” right now.
I’ll be back. Next week or month, probably. But until then….