Happy New Year to you all.
This year, for the second year in a row, we ran the Resolution Run (5k), had a party at our place and did the Polar Bear Dip on New Years Day. I think it’s safe to say that it’s our new tradition.
I’ve long hated New Years. It always made me sad and lonely, for the passing of time maybe, I’m not sure. But the past couple of years, surrounded by good friends, the love of my life and my sweet children, things don’t seem so sad anymore. There is nothing I want for in my life, the biggest and most meaningful gift I’ve ever received have been my children, and even though the passage of time moves on as quickly as it ever has, I’m learning to embrace it.
Sometimes the road seems so long and difficult. Sometimes I feel alone and small, unaccomplished, unmerited. Sometimes I blame the anger I feel inside for no real reason on the people I love the most. And that’s not ok.
I have a long way to journey until I become the person I want to be, the person I know I can be. There are a lot of hurdles to pass and bruises to mend. But if were are all truly meant to shine, then that means I am too.
If there is truly nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you, than I must remember not to shrink in an attempt to not intimidate my own self.
Next year, when I fill out my questionaire, I want to answer “My own,” to the question of whose behaviour merited celebration. Yes, I will run a marathon in Ottawa, and yes I will eat to fuel my body and yes I will cherish my husband the way he deserves to be cherished. But beyond all of that? I will let myself shine. I will be proud of myself and my achievements. I will not make myself small to serve others.
This is true and profound and wonderful: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”