Tuesday

I’m oddly protective of my home-days. I have to renew Leila’s passport and get groceries, but today, as the kids watch their batch of morning cartoons and I listen to the kettle almost boil, leaving the house is the last thing I want to do.

We stay at home these days. Thursday is my other home day, but it’s also Steve’s day off, so it’s less housekeeping and more family stuff. And I don’t mind running around or heading to playdates on Saturdays. But Tuesday? It’s like a little moment, carved in time, in the middle of the week, for just the girls and I.

It’s all changing soon enough, you see. Come September, Leila will be in school. I don’t know what we’ll be doing for childcare, and all these quiet Tuesdays spent playing and cleaning and existing quietly together will be over.

*****

It snowed, finally, and we played on Sunday afternoon. Steve and the girls made a snowman while I snowblowed the driveway. And then Steve and I laid on our backs. And then the kids (as they do) interpreted that as open season and jumped on us, patting us with snowy mittens and attacking us like we were monsters. There were snowballs thrown and kids picked up and dumped in the snow and all-in-all, a perfect day.

And then yesterday I ran, through a slippery trail, through fatigued legs, to the bottom of a hill. The sidewalk was slick and my legs were tired, but at 3k it lifted and I was able to run the hills without too much fatigue. Then weights, coffee, class, bookstore, drive to daycare to get the kids.

My life is quiet and blessed and in these moments when I feel so appreciative and loved, I wonder how I could ever feel down. When I stay busy and bustling (like today with the cleaning and the groceries and most likely the playing in the snow), I’m happy and tired at the end of the day. It’s when I have a half an hour to brood that sometimes I start feeling down. And it leaves me wondering if I’m overindulging myself. But that’s not what this is about today.

Today is quiet and lovely. Today is a hot cup of tea and breaking a sweat as I clean. Today is puffy snowsuits and laughing as the girls steal bites of the snowman. Today is a moment, both filled with potential and hope.

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