Why do you think you would be good for this position? She asked me.

Because I have been on a profound journey of self-realization the past 18 months. And I have realized that the strength that we need, every single one of us, already lies inside. The trick is to discover how to reach it. For me, that road was physical fitness, because it opens doors through which strength and courage can pour into other aspects of life. Because I’ve realized this, I can help others. And this position is a good platform through which to do so.

You have to believe it yourself before anyone else will believe you. You have to develop the confidence to apply what you say to your own life, Steve said a few days ago.

Oh but I do, you see. I do absolutely believe that strength lies within me, and that I will reach the other side of this journey happy and full of belief in myself. It’s what gives me the courage to confront my demons and challenge my deepest beliefs. Because I see that they aren’t always relevant or positive or helpful. If I didn’t believe that I will make it through, if I didn’t believe that I am better than what I’ve been lately, I wouldn’t be here, writing. I wouldn’t be here, in class. I wouldn’t be running or laughing or making love or tickling my kids, because nothing would be worth it.

My particular challenge is accepting that what I do is valid and worthy and special. It is realizing that I am the best wife Steve could have, the best mother for my children. It is finding pride in the physical endurances I put myself through. But no, it’s not questioning my strength. I draw on that daily.

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