I spent the morning cleaning yesterday, dusting and putting away loads and loads of laundry. I scrubbed and tidied and got groceries and then in the afternoon I finished a research project for one of my profs.
The last month has seemed very hectic to me. It hasn’t been, I don’t think, but there was both of the kids birthday, plus mine (and the ensuing party – and hangover). House guests, plus a deck renovation and now re-roofing, it all adds up.
I’ve learned a lot this past year about balancing life with, well, life, but there are still times when it all goes to shit. At one point yesterday the washing machine broke, the coffee machine didn’t drip into the pot but somehow leaked all over the counter. I was running from the basement to the kitchen trying to get both working (coffee machine, yes, washing machine, no). Meanwhile my vacuum head is all clogged with something and just… I don’t know. It’s hard. I don’t know that I’ll ever really master it, and maybe that’s the trick. To slowly adjust to your life, wherever it is now, to take it one day at a time if need be.
It’s easier than it was a year ago, or two years ago, that’s for sure. I used to compare myself to others, to become intimidated by the fact that I was a certain age and didn’t have it figured out. Take my dad, for example, who started working for a company when he was 25 and will retire with the same company. From the outside it looks like it was easy, but I’m sure there were time that he was bored or felt like he wasn’t going in the right direction. My best friend and I were talking about this, about how when you’re young you think your parents’ knowledge is limitless, then you start to believe that they are completely idiotic. Eventually, you come to a point in between, when you realize that they are simply people, subject to the same fears and insecurities as any of us and that they carry around their own shit, too, that has nothing to do with you. Not that I’m implying my dad has a big bag of shit, just that I’m sure his path hasn’t been as smooth as it has seemed to me, watching.
And I guess that’s the things with everyone. We all have to deal with our own crap and it can be overwhelmingly difficult. We can find things that help us cope (healthy ones, hopefully) and make us feel like we’re in control. And sometimes we are, but sometimes we just have to hold on and hope we make it out in one piece.