I’m serene, smiling always, as clients open the door to my yoga studio. The walls are painted a peaceful light blue and my hair looks good – I mean really good – and somehow my arms are wonderfully toned (all that yoga probably) and everyone has a mat slung across their shoulder. I busy myself setting up blocks and props and then dim the lights and turn on the music.

After class, we are sweaty but happy, invigorated. Everyone is smiling, I have changed their lives, you see. They leave, a trail of women out the door and I tidy up the front desk, turn off the lights and lock the door behind me. I make it home to meet my kids off the school bus.

There are no evening classes, only one Saturday class. I’ve opened this business of mine in a small, poor town, but somehow it’s thrived. I’ve opened this business of mine with two kids and a husband who works long hours and somehow, it hasn’t taken over my life or free time. I’ve made it work and it’s perfect.

* * * * *

They’re like this, you see, my daydreams. Lovely, but often unrealistic. Really, what fun is a daydream if it involves the redundancies of day-to-day life like cranky kids and PMS but I get so caught up in them that when I zone back into earth, I’m frustrated that it hasn’t happened and that there are things that need to be done before I can get there (the yoga studio is just one of many).

Sometimes it feels like I have to hurry up and wait, for school to start or for a meeting that’s been planned for six months to come or to finish my (long in the tooth) HR certificate or for the kids to grow. I get jittery, all this daydreaming ends up giving my the equivalent of restless leg syndrome for my life and I want to Go! Go! Go! but I can’t because it isn’t time yet.

That’s not to say I’m wishing the year away because I’m not, I swear I’m not but sometimes, it feels a little like I put myself on the back-burner for my kids and now the time to shift the dynamics in my family are just around the corner, so close I can smell the anticipation, but it’s not quite time yet.

Instead of puttering aimlessly at this certificate, I’ve decided to go full time this year and then be done with it. That means five days a week childcare for the kids and it’s not something that I am (or ever have been) 100% comfortable with, but in order for me to move forward, I need to finish what I’m doing now and it’s time to move, you know?

Next week is my long awaited and much anticipated meeting with Girls on the Run and I’m nervous and excited and hopeful, while also telling myself not to get a bad case of tunnel vision, if you know what I mean.

* * * * *

What about you? Tell me about your daydreams, your hair-brained schemes, your little indulgences where your life is infinitely (or even a little) different? Leave your comment anonymously if you want, but I want to know. What do you dream about?

2 Comments on “Hair-brained

  1. Can I just tell you that for as long as I’ve been reading you, both over at BIM and here, I’ve always thought you would make a fantastic Girls on the Run coach. I’m so excited to hear about that opportunity and how it’s going for you.
    I think I’m in the same place as you, my one child will be a 1st grader and my youngest is just starting preschool (3 years old, 3 days/week). My dream is that we win the lottery in spite of the fact that we don’t play. 🙂 I don’t know yet what I want to do when I grow up, I just know I don’t want to go back into the corporate world again; it was a complete soul suck and I just don’t have the patience for it anymore. If I’m being unrealistic I would love to be a professional organizer or a facialist. Most days though, I dream of working at a Starbucks. I seem to gloss over the annoying, demanding customers and focus in on how much fun it seems to work there.

    • Maybe it was you who originally mentioned them to me over at BIM? If it was, thank you. I’ve been emailing for two years, and just now are they expanding further into Canada. Fingers crossed for a chapter in Nova Scotia!!

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