Un-Pause

After my awesome long run last weekend and then legs at the gym on Monday and then hour long hike on Tuesday, by Wednesday, I felt kind of tingly all over and funny in my head. I skipped my run but did some weights. I pushed myself through the gym until Friday, at which point I did half my workout and tapped out. Saturday involved a 16k run with my TNT group and today was sinus congestion and achiness and general cranky, peppered with some laughs.

I’m not sure if I was so tired because I got sick, or if I got sick because I caught a chill during that frigid run last weekend and didn’t give myself time to rest or if it was a combination of those things or a complete fluke. Either way, I didn’t eat great for the second part of the week (something about being sick-tired makes me only want to eat carbs), and my workouts were tiring and so kind of half hearted. Tonight I’m feeling bloated and weak and kind of crappy. The Advil I took didn’t clear the pulsing pain in my neck and face (which leads me to believe there is going to be some major mucus moving by tomorrow) and basically, I just came here to wine.

It’s hard not to get all apocalyptic when I feel like this. Because I feel weak in this moment, I tend to feel like a couple bowls of Doritos and peanut butter sandwiches negated the past three weeks of clean fuel and strength training. Logically, I don’t really think that’s the case, but I do think that (in retrospect), I should have listened to my body instead of pushing through when I knew the fatigue had moved from “fatigue” to “getting sick” and rested.

I’m kind of manic about things though and for some reason this week needed to do this, regardless of the expense. It’s a hard balance to achieve. Especially since I am feeling kind of tense about school and often a skipped workout can lead to some anxiety on my part. So I pushed through hoping that it would pass but tonight I feel tired (bone weary tired) and kind of sorry for myself.

We ate a healthy supper, and I made lunches for tomorrow and have resolved that I will pick myself up and dust off and climb back on the vegetable wagon, even though I probably still smell like Doritos. I’m hoping that healthy food today plus a good night’s sleep will leave me feeling better when I wake up today.

I’m a good mom, a good provider, a good “adult”, but when I’m sick, it still sucks that I can’t throw a day in the bag and hit pause on the world.

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