What Lies Within

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it” Michelangelo

We are both the blocks of stone and the sculptors. We are the only ones who truly know what lies within.

Sometimes I feel that we can chisel ourselves into any masterpiece we choose, sometimes I feel that we are destined to be a specific masterpiece.

I’m rumbling in my head lately, buzzing from the half-marathon I ran last weekend and the lingering sense of strength. I’m at the almost overwhelmed point of school, so I took the day and kept Alena home with me. We went for a walk with Milo and talked and sang songs. We read books and while she napped, I had a hot bath. Then we arrived at daycare before Leila, so when she stepped off the bus, she hugged me and jumped into the car. This afternoon is cup cakes and Mickey Mouse cartoons and taking dinner to Steve since he’s working until 10.

It’s hard to balance everything, especially since it feels like I should be able to balance things better. I feel guilty that the kids are in daycare full time (and the fact that the guilt hasn’t ebbed in the five months they’ve been in proves to me that this shouldn’t be our permanent situation), but the kids being in daycare full time is the only way I’ve kept my sanity, made decent grades and still stayed active with running. I sometimes feel somehow “less” because I’m not good at juggling, because I don’t have a pressing job, because, because… I’m better at making those thoughts go away though and I’ve been focusing on the time I do have with them. I try to inhale them, push my love into them. I try not to yell or sigh tiredly. I try to laugh and cuddle. And then when we’re apart, I try to work hard, get my readings and assignments done instead of waste time on Facebook or Twitter (or here).

And for the most part, most days, I think I’m doing it mostly right.

One Comment on “What Lies Within

  1. Don’t be so tough on yourself! It sounds like you’re doing a great job of balancing kids, school and keeping up with running! I’m impressed that you were able to do the Hypo Half a few weeks ago (what a great day for a race though, eh?) with all the rest that you seem to have going on, so kudos!

    By the way, tag, you’re it! I’ve tagged you in the following post and would love to read your answers:

    http://www.halifaxrunnergirl.blogspot.com/2012/02/ive-been-tagged.html

    Keep on keepin’ on,

    ~ HRG

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