Stepping Away from Fear

When I first began my 200hr yoga teacher certification, I had spent time on my yoga mat in a physical practice, but never in a spiritual practice.

During the very first class I took with Jenny, she guided us to wave forward from downward dog to high plank and as she walked past me, I felt an incredible surge of energy from the base of my spine flow to the centre of my heart. During the days following, I kept envisioning the stem of a lotus flower uncurling along my spine, blooming at my heart and shining out to face the world. 

I grew up going to church every Sunday. We said grace and bedtime prayers. I’ve held onto that faith during most of my life, with the occasional bought of healthy doubt. My husband and I hold similar beliefs. We were married by a Minister, we baptized our children, and now we say grace and bedtime prayers with them.

I came to my yoga mat with the notion that I had nothing left to learn. I already believed in God, I was already fit, I was even already a running coach. All I wanted was a certification that would allow me to teach yoga as a way to augment coaching runners.

The first time I stepped on my mat and was guided by a teacher who inspired me, my yoga experience deepened.

The first time I stepped on my mat and was guided by a teacher who inspired me, my relationship with the Universe deepened.

The countdown is on until the day that our new studio opens, and I find myself feeling calm, centered and confident. I feel ready to step into this role. I feel anticpation at walking to the front of that big, beautiful studio and leading people through a practice. I feel so excited to teach and to learn and to grow and to blossom.

Yet I also feel so afraid.

My fears are a combination of rational (the risk of a new business) and irrational (tripping in front of a studio full of people). As the walls of our studio are being hung, the walls of the box in which I live are coming down. I’ve never balanced work and home life before. I’ve never delved so deeply into a job before, and I certainly never expected that, at 32, I would finally branch out and make a career for myself.

I’ve decided to step away from my fear. To use to words “excitement,” “anticipation,” and “endless possibilities” instead. I decided to be confident and sure of myself. I’m not convinced that I won’t make mistakes. I’m willing to accept that I won’t get dinner on the table every night or make it to every skating practice, or even always have clean socks for the kids to wear to school.

I decided to create the life that I wanted to live. I decided to create the person that I am. I decided what type of wife, what type of mother, what type of human being I am. And I decided to be strong, and compassionate, and loving, and humble and vulnerable and happy. And today, I believe that I’ve made the right choices.

 

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