Unselfish or lack of self care?

Things have been busy in our household lately. The regular summer buzz of camps, swimming lessons, soccer practices, weddings, triathlon training combined with the flurry of activity present when opening a new business and the fact that my husband is entering year two of his MBA has left me feeling pretty dizzy. I’m not saying that I get everything done or that everything gets done perfectly, but for the most part, life has been trucking along at a mostly-manageable pace.

As my husband packed up his golf clubs and text books this morning, planning on four hours of studying followed by 18 holes of golf with good friends, he asked me to consider taking more time to do things for myself.

I was a little surprised, and realized that it’s true. It’s been a long time since I really considered taking time away from my life for myself. Unless you count exercise (which I squeeze in during early mornings, later evenings or when the kids are at day camp), there’s not a lot that I have been doing for myself.  I spend (what feels like) a lot of time packing lunches for summer camp and slathering on sunscreen and watching swimming lessons and soccer practice and teaching kids to ride bikes and focusing on being present with my children. I spend (what feels like) a lot of time working on building a schedule and finding yoga teachers and making sure wholesale orders are in place and making phone calls and chasing loose ends. I spend (what feels like) a lot of time swimming and running and biking and thinking about triathlons. I spend time on my yoga mat and in meditation. And most of the time, all of those things feel like enough for me. So when I thought about doing something for myself, I really couldn’t see what that might look like. 

When my children were babies, I missed the freedom to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. Now that they’re older, things just seem to flow a little easier. Sure, there are still moments that being a mom feels overwhelming, but they don’t come as often, last as long and they aren’t nearly as intense as they used to be. I love my kids, and I really love being a mom. I love watching swimming lessons and soccer practice and even sitting in the cold rink for skating. I love reading them books and our conversations and listening to them play with each other.

I feel so fully immersed in this life we have going right now, that the thought of peeling away the layers that have become such a part of my identity and spending some time doing something else entirely, I just don’t know what that would look like. And to be honest, I’m not completely sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.

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